Feb. 25; Decisions, Decisions

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. As I retrace the steps we've taken in class, I've been trying to recapture the emotions that I've felt in the characters that we've gotten to know over the past couple of months. What I'm sensing in this experience is a great deal of confusion amongst the stars of our stories. They're all searching for their ground, their own solid foundation.

It's the motivation of each of our main characters to erase uncertainty from their lives. The two best examples in this course are "Blankets" and "American Born Chinese." Born into the eye of a social storm of chaos, both main characters (Jin, and Craig) struggle to go against the current of their peers' influence to define themselves, rather than be defined by everyone else. I feel like this would provide an excellent opportunity to also incorporate American values and traditions as stated by Ralph Waldo Emerson in his work, "Self-Reliance." These characters may not get society all the time, but they are developing a good understanding of themselves. This internal relationship and it's vulnerability to the judgment of society is what I desire most to further explore this semseter.

Feb. 23; Into the Blue: A Discussion of "Blankets"

The most powerful, moving element of Craig Thompson's "Blankets" is his use of exaggerated illustrations used to highlight the emotions of the main character, "Craig." As is typical of most graphic novels we've read thus far, the most powerful symbolic images usually are given a full page. That's what we see on page 24. The first 100 pages of the book deal largely with Craig's misfitting amongst his peers. School is a place where he feels no security, and we see that drawn out in this panel. Craig, having just been forcibly tossed around by a group of large bullies, lands at the bottom of a exaggeratedly steep cliff. Not meant to be tied down by realistic depiction, this panels transcends Craig's reality and shows his feeling of vulenrability with his peers. Most of his peers are drawn as larger than he, and the bullies especillly so.

Even by going back five panels to witness the fall itself, it's only about five feet, yet Thompson illustrates it over the course of about four different panels. We see his attempts to draw out young Craig's feeling of torture.

Page 80 offers us a powerful set of emotional panels that simultaneously let us in on Craig's struggling relationship to with his faith. Craig, a true introvert, is always shown as small, quiet, shy, and vulnerable in the midst of large, chaotic crowds. After his rambunctious bunkmates uncover him reading underneath his blanks in the middle of their bedtime hysteria, he has a timid, insecure reaction. Craig is at this moment paralyzed to defend himself. He settles for telling a white-lie about. Rather than "confessing" to reading his Bible, he says he is organizing his things.

It's all too easy to dismiss Craig's silence as childhood shyness, but the last panel on page 80 gives us a different reason: shame. Craig mentions his guilt at not being able to get along at church camp. He interprets his social struggles as a disappoitment to God. His words in the panel read simply, "I'm sorry God." All the while he's also struggling with how to appease his hostile judgmental peers.

Craig's dilemma between his peers and his faith shows his conflicted relationship with religion. Regardless of how Craig actually does relate to God, it's clear that how he perceives God is very independent of his peers. It is simultaneously a source of affirmation and isolation.

Feb 18; More 'Oranges'

At three different points in Winterson's book does she use the line (or something to the effect of), "there are different sorts of treachery, but betrayal is betrayal wherever you find it. I noted all three times that that line was used (I suppose there could have even been more occasions in which I missed). I noticed that line because each time I saw it I was made to stop and think. I wondered what she meant by betrayal, and why she distinguished it from treachery or infidelity - terms that are relatively synonomous.

I think that these especially highlighted instances of betrayal are of special significance to Jeanette. I think that in these instances that she describes as betrayal her violated trust moved to push her away from blind acceptance of the beliefs of others and more towards a greater understanding of self. These are the moments where "coming-of-age" really start to come into effect. By separating from an insecure attachment to others, she is then better able to develop her own beliefs and self-reliance.

She ultimately distinguishes her feeling of betrayal from a feeling of treachery because she wants to stress the magnitude of her personal feelings. Betrayal, despite a similar definition to treachery, carries a much bolder connotation. By this, she conveys to the reader that this is not a momentary emotion, but a lasting experience that forever alters her perspective.

As such, her definition of betrayal is (on page 171): "promising to be on your side, and then being on somebody else's."

What's further interesting about this definition, is that while she distances herself from her mother by way of her stated beliefs, but actually, she clearly still has dualistic beliefs about right and wrong, just like her mother!

Feb 16, Lets Talk About Love? Reaction to 'Oranges'

What do I believe?

I believe that the "Matrix" is an absolutely wonderful movie and my point of reference was stolen through its implication in the question. But more importantly, it's a perfect starting block. One of my favorite Buddhist quotes goes something along the lines of, "a thousand man army can conquer a thousand civilizations, but the true warrior can conquer oneself." In order to conquer oneself we each have to be willing to confront ourselves. Challenging our own beliefs, breaking the habit, veering off from Mr. Emerson's path of "foolish consistency," is the only way that an individual can become whole. It is the necessary first step to "coming of age."

By the way, yes, this writer does have several favorite Buddhist quotes.

Winterson's autobiographical novel is thus far an outstanding example of coming of age. Religious zeal (ala her mother and several other key influences) offers a perfect backdrop for coming of age. In a setting like we have with 'Oranges,' being raised, shaped, and trained in a very singular, unquestioned, unidimensional manner builds a person within a confine so small and tight that it requires an aggressive escape on the part of the main character.

Jeanette describes outright how her mother intended to raise her, "train" her, and "build" her into "a missionary child, a servant of God, a blessing." She is never given an outlet to develop on her own. For a long period, she is not even allowed to go to school - it's an evil breeding ground. She is raised according to the mother's strict dualistic beliefs (which seems to be a theme in this class as well). Jeanette is not allowed the oppurtunity to discover her own ideas, but rather is subjected to her mother's ideas of what is of the Lord, and what is of the devil.

February 10; "What are we talking about, here?": A Review of the Commentary of our Readings

The topics of the first month of our class have been layered and deep. There is A LOT to talk about, and in my best efforts to summarize the conversation of our selected authors, I would describe our overarching theme as be the internalization of guilt and shame amongst minorities.

The video we watched put this in profound perspective. Most people know the study. Sad, yes. But what really pounds the point home is the linear logic that follows this tragedy. "What doll is prettier?"

(White)

"Why not the other one?"

(It's black)

"Which one looks more like you?"

(Black)

That is a wretched stereotype that is disturbing to hear from an aggressor. But when heard coming from a victim, it's truly tragic.

Perhaps beauty is much like racism: learned. It's difficult for me to admit, but I had trouble understanding the function of campus groups like YBBW (Young Beautiful Black Women). I always have voiced support for such groups as support networks, but I was worried that they would isolate some members from the greater community. I never really understood what the need was to distinguish one as beautiful on the count of a racial status.

Shame on me.

Toni Morrison gives an earth-shattering look into the depths of the experience of someone walking in the shoes of a minority status. I have a better understanding now of why we have, why we need groups like Young Beautiful Black Women. Everybody deserves to feel beautiful. My favorite chapter from Morrison's book is the second sub-section of the Spring quarter. It's the one where she engages us in the experience of Pauline Breedlove, cleverly executed from an intermixed third and first-person narrative. It's both beautiful and heart-breaking. In the early parts we hear about how she relocated from the south. For the first time she experiences a new, foreign kind of prejudice. It's not that of being insulted for color, it's the prejudice of ignorance; of no acknowledgement; of self-hatred.

She talks about her stigmatization of wearing her hair naturally curly, not initially conforming to white standards. She watches it play out with the "beautiful" movie stars. She's tormented by the distorted realization that she is less than human. UGLY! And it's a stigma that her kids have learned at a young age. The best she can do is distract herself by working for those of who are made of beauty.

In conveying her experience, Pauline is referenced in the most powerful line in the entire book: "... - physical beauty. Probably the most destructive idea in the history of human thought."

It's a cold realization; that beauty must be seen as an exclusive trait, rather than that which can be celebrated by all. It's understood as another distribution for the haves and have-nots.

Jin, Pauline, Pechola, and minority children around the nation have to learn to grapple with something that the rest of us may never give a moment's thought to. It's sad. It's perceived. To many, it's reality.

---Apologies for the tardiness of this response. Heard that class was canceled and didn't check email until earlier today.